matrimonial bliss

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in a world where divorce seems more commonplace than a happily ever after, when statistics and numbers are proving the thought of everlasting love to be an idealistic, naive notion that we indulge children in, it's difficult to have faith in the institution of marriage. but maybe what those glass-half-empty viewers fail to realize is that marriage is not magic, it requires a lot of work. and what may be amounting to the 51% of divorce may simply be an unwillingness to put in the effort, a lack of give and take. born into a generation where the premium is put onto instant gratification, where technology is changing at lightening speed and with each turn making our lives easier and easier, where nothing is shocking and "no" is seldom heard, i can see why people have given up on the idea of finding the one true person to spend the rest of your life with. and in all honesty, it is a daunting task.

but i refuse to believe it is impossible or even less than likely. maybe it was watching too many disney fairy tales growing up. maybe it was being blessed to have parents who still kiss, laugh, touch, and play. maybe it's needing to believe more than actually believing in kismet, fate, soulmates or whatever you want to call it. that's a lot of maybes but in the end i think everyone should strive to mean it when they say forever.

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in this essay, craig nova, an award winning author, pens a checklist to his daughter on the day of her wedding. i thought it inspiring and lovely, a father passing on his knowledge of love and happiness to his little girl:

"First, I have found that one of the most important things in a good marriage is ordinary, garden variety politeness, the please and thank you, minor formality, etc. The point of this politeness is not only that it is good in itself, and makes life a little easier and a touch sweeter, but that it mitigates against the greatest danger in marriage, which is that familiarity can breed contempt, or at least can led to impertinence. A little politeness, especially in trying circumstances, goes a long ways, and then, too, politeness in public makes sure that no domestic dissonance ever leaves the confines of the house. It is humiliation, no matter how minor, that one can’t forgive, or that one forgives uneasily and only over great amounts of time.

Never assume that one of you knows what the other is going to say, since while it is often true that you do know, there are times when something unusual will be said, and making this possible is to keep the magic of matrimony alive.

Don’t fight it. One of the odd things about matrimony, on a long term basis, is that you don’t become two people so much as three, that is you, your husband, and then this other creature who is part wife and part husband. This third, combined creature grows larger and larger as the other two shrink. After a while there is only the third creature, and it can’t even remember what happened to the other two. You will know that the third creature is taking over when you can’t make a decision without consulting with your spouse (of course, it begins with big items, such as “Should we buy this house?” but it seeps downward from there so you find yourself wanting to consult about the quality of the basil for the marinara sauce).

The time to show largeness of spirit or generosity is just after having won an argument.

Small, considerate gifts, on a regular basis, are appreciated. These show that not only have you been thinking about your partner on a regular basis, you are willing to do something about it..."